Are you in kindergarten? When did employers start asking for papers to explain absences? The truth is that all employers in the U.S., from Los Angeles to Charlotte, have the right to ask for such documentation. It’s too late to back out of your lie at this point, so you really only have one option: a fake doctors note.
You could waste your day trying make your own in a believable format, but fake doctor excuse examples are easy to find on the internet. Some websites offer free sample forms that provide general information and let you fill in the blanks. Such templates are easy to download and print. You can find legit looking printable templates for anything from a hospital discharge to a regular urgent care clinic visit. You can even spend a week in the ER and Kaiser Permanente doesn’t ever have to know about it!
Of course, missing work can invite all kinds of unwanted questions that you’re going to have to make up answers to. So, you can either spend your day off Googling appendectomies to come up with a colorful story, or you can provide an excuse that no one will want any more details about. Here are some excuses to to keep your co-workers and your boss out of medical your business:
1. Psychologists or Therapists Notes
Making your employer think that you are having mental or emotional issues is a great way to get them to treat you more delicately. No one with any sense of dignity will pry into your business if they think you are on the edge of bursting into tears or bludgeoning them with a stapler. You may even find people being nicer to you and bringing you unsolicited presents.
2. Dentist Notes
When has anyone other than your mom ever asked how your dentist visit went? Nothing exciting ever happens in a hygienists chair, so “Here’s my note from Dr. McToothy” will usually be the end of the conversation.
3. Gynecologist Notes
This of course only works for women, unless you also plan on making another fake doctors note for your sex change operation. No one wants to hear about what’s going on down there, so no one will ask. And if they do, tell them you have an STI and maybe they’ll stop talking to you all together.
4. Cardiologists Notes
Heart disease is a major health issue that is gaining more and more awareness. Making your employer think you’re having heart problems is a great way to get them off your back.
5. Children’s Clinic Note
Having your child fake sick for you is ideal because you don’t have to do any acting. You should probably only try this if you actually have a child, however, since people might ask more questions about it down the road. Tell your boss that little Johnny is has bronchitis, drop him off at school and enjoy your day off!
And remember, no employer can request information from a doctor without a medical release, so as long as you keep your story straight, you’re in the clear.